Posted by: drizl | June 8, 2010

Finding the Balance

Uh, yeah, anyone seen it…I’m looking for a balance in my writing…in my life…in everything, but I’ll take one in my writing…I can’t seem to figure it out. When I’m writing the fanfiction I’m feeling guilty that I’m not working on my original characters/stories and when I’m working on the original stuff I’m thinking..holy crow I need to get a chapter done for the fanfiction because I update every week…JFC…And then to make matters even worse, new ideas keep popping into my head. I know I shouldn’t complain about new ideas because that’s a good thing. I think I’d be freaking out if nothing new ever showed up in my head, but I’ve totally lost focus. I need a few days to myself to just finish up the two fanfic stories that are winding down. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve started another fanfic story. I’m just not going to post it until I have either completed it or it’s really close to be finished. Which brings me back to the guilt again because the two fanfic stories I have been working on… well, the one has 73,500 words and the second stands at 57,700 that’s almost two full novels. Crap Crap Crap…My new original story is at 8,800 words. Just think if I put all my eggs in one basket…I’d have two more complete books. But….can I work like that? There are days when I question everything…to why am I doing this because I really suck…to this is a total waste of time….yesterday was one of those days…And then…I get a bucket load of reviews from fanfic and my chest swells with pride cuz people are reading the shit and liking it and I get to see it in writing…unlike when I send stuff to agents who are either too busy to reply or the stuff just isn’t right? And then I’m back to the beginning trying to find a balance cuz I know I need to keep writing the fanfic cuz I need the self gratification that comes with it…It’s like a drug and I need the ego boost…I’m certainly not getting it from the agents…OMG I’m losing my mind…I guess the only solution is to keep writing…

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