Posted by: drizl | July 20, 2011

Screw the Box…

I’ve been avoiding writing a post for a few weeks. I know what I have to write and what I want to say, but it scares the piss out of me and if I write it down or say it out loud, it means I have to follow through. I made that decision when I started writing. Finish what you start…do what you say…

I tried. I really did. I tried to fit in their box. I stuffed myself and my stories into a neat little cardboard box wrapped with a wonderful ribbon. I followed all the rules to the best of my ability. Querys, Synopsis, cover letter, first five pages, first three chapter…Agent after agent, all requesting something different. And then the waiting…waiting..waiting…until I forgot what the hell I was waiting for…eventually, an email would pop up with a NO…but most of the time, I couldn’t remember what the no was for, since it had been three months when I sent out the original query.

I was getting frustrated with the world of publishing….Imagine that…the scary thing about this whole process, is that I really did want an agent. I wanted to do things the traditional way. (I may have equated traditional with right) I’d stuffed myself in their box, rewritten the story so the heroine was seventeen not nineteen…because nineteen doesn’t fit in the box, I attended writer’s conferences, did research and wrote, wrote and wrote, but nothing changed…Eventually, I couldn’t breathe and I found myself trying to claw my way out of the box again.

I think their box is collapsing. Another huge book retailer is disappearing. The article on Borders was depressing. I truly do not want book stores to go away. It would be sad not to be able to walk into a shop filled to the rafters with books, to wander the aisles running my finger across the new spines of books and looking at covers, wondering if the words are as great as the art.

So here I sit typing away on my laptop avoiding saying the words….

Fuck it…A few days ago I found the song Lighters by Bad Meets Evil (featuring Bruno Mars) Eminem and Royce Da 5’9″ are Bad Meets Evil… Oh my god, the lyrics may be raw and a bit nasty, but hell, they hit home for me…

Feel free, but from now on I’m refusing to ever up

You and I know what it’s like to be kicked down
Forced to fight
But tonight we’re alright
So hold up your light
Let it shine
Cause this one’s for you and me, living out our dreams
We’re all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

So with that said…big breath…I’m going to move forward with self publishing…screw the box. I’m burning the stupid thing. I’ve never fit into anyone’s box and I can’t force myself to be something I’m not…I’m rewriting the story…again…the character was originally nineteen and she will be again. I’m going to post more on this blog, probably some teasers from the story…We’ll make this journey together…Me and my words….

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